


Say You Won't Let Go

by LanieDawn



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Awkward Crush, Drinking & Talking, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Family, Gen, Light Angst, Modern AU, Pining, Slow Burn, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:08:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9625430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LanieDawn/pseuds/LanieDawn
Summary: "You lost your puppy! I was so looking forward to learning more about the mysterious princess found in the bathroom.”“She’s not a puppy, dick.” The heat didn’t reach Raven's eyes, but there was something else he couldn’t quite place as she stared through him. “She left, got too hot or something. But, I got her number. I’m keeping her.”Bellamy Blake never thought he'd have a family outside of his sister, and through his friends he has found something extraordinary.He'll never give them up, even though this blonde menace keeps showing up and destroying his precious balance.Inspired by James Arthur's Say You Won't Let Go





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was only supposed to be a 2k songfic that re-lit my inspiration and got me writing again... Oops... This is the first verse. It spoke to my OTP.

          The first time he met Clarke Griffin she looked radiant. Her ankles were a little wobbling in her high heels, her black dress sparkled around her curves, and her blond waves were tousled over her shoulder. When their eyes locked, he couldn’t quite tell if the slightly glazed look in her eyes came from the alcohol or something else. In not so many words, she was stunning.

          “Where’d your Spacewalker go?” He had to yell to be heard above the pulsing music, but he heard the amused lilt in his voice as he spoke to the last stray his friends had pulled into their group, “I was so looking forward to the impending showdown.”

          “Fuck off Blake, he’s a dick, and now we’re adopting my replacement,” Raven’s words left no room for argument, but there was no heat in them. Just a watery fondness, and an underlying sadness that had been in her voice since they’d met. “Delinquents, this is Clarke. Clarke, meet the fuck all’s.”

The blonde’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, but she still smiled brightly and gave a quick wave before the brunette pulled her and his sister out to the dance floor, the trio disappearing into the flashing neon and writhing bodies, leaving him, Miller, Monty and Jasper alone with two pitchers of beer.

Turning back to the with younger boys a smirk, he raised his glass, “To meeting friends in the bathroom.”

The group let out a laugh before taking a long drink from their cups, Jasper pausing to refill his glass, “On a scale from one to _Jasper NO_ , how single do we think she is?”

The sideways smile on Jasper’s face was a tell-tale expression, that usually just led to a period of infatuation, followed by resigned desperation, before a week of binge drinking and pretending the crush had never existed. Monty let out a groan, before landing his head on Miller’s shoulder. Miller looked down, fondly, “He’s your best friend and roommate. This is all on you.”

Jasper had the goodwill to look shocked before his smile set upon his face again, “Hey, now! I’ll have you know I’m a very valuable catch,” the laughter breaking through in his voice before sobering quickly, “But fine, fine. I get it. No crushing on the new girl.”

He didn’t see the girl for the rest of the night, because when Raven and Octavia stumbled back to the table, the blond was gone. He caught a part of himself missing her, before crushing that down.

“You lost your new puppy!” His voice boomed through the noise and his sister just waved an arm at him and fell into their friend Jasper’s lap, but Raven stopped in front of him and grabbed him by his shirtfront. “I was so looking forward to learning more about the mysterious princess found in the bathroom.”

“She’s not a puppy dick.” Again, the heat didn’t reach her eyes, but there was something else he couldn’t quite place as she stared through him. “She left, got too hot or something. But, I got her number. I’m keeping her.”

The look in Raven’s eyes killed the sarcastic reply he’d had on the tip of his tongue, “Alright Reyes, let’s get out of here. We’ve all had enough, and some of us work in the morning.” He pulled the small woman under his arm while the rest of the group trailed behind them.

.o.o.

 

Their little ragtag group of friends wasn’t anything Bellamy had ever expected to have. Growing up, it had just been him and his little sister, stuck bouncing around the foster system until his eighteenth birthday. That’s when he finally was able to petition for custody of Octavia. It was a fight that he would gladly fight again and again. The look on his thriteen year old’s sister’s face when he brought her to his apartment, to their home, couldn’t ever be replaced. It was a struggle, multiple jobs and being a parent before any kid should have to, and he would have been fine to live the rest of his life that way – maybe not happy, but he would have been okay. So, when Octavia decided she wanted to go to college when she was sixteen, he started working as hard as possible to make sure it happened.

Bellamy would do anything for her.

Needless to say, when she decided to live on campus, it shouldn’t have been a shock to him that she wouldn’t be living with him anymore. But there was still a part of him that tug to think about not having her, not being able to keep her safe 24/7. It tore at him, and still does if he’s honest. But if she hadn’t left, he never would have put an ad out on Craigslist, and he never would have found Miller.          

Bellamy never thought he’d have a best friend. Most of his life was taking care of Octavia, which left little time for anything else. Their mother was very careful not to bring her clients around them, but every once in a while, one of the cops would follow her home. He can only assume how she kept them in their two-bedroom apartment, but he does know that whatever it was got her killed when he was ten. But now that he had Miller, he knew what people meant when they said they couldn’t live without friends. His sister was enough, but he didn’t have to only have enough now, he could have more.

He still felt greedy when he thought about it. When Miller moved in, they spent the first two months in companionable silence. It wasn’t until Miller came home one day while Bellamy was playing Mario Kart on an old N64 he’d found at Goodwill that they had their first conversation. If you could really call it that. But since then their friendship grew, over video games, beer, significant others.

And then Octavia brought home her first stray. First, it was Harper. A girl in Octavia’s biology class. She was a pretty one, blonde hair and sharp angles. They disappeared with a giggle into the apartment. And after dinner, when they’d fallen asleep with their textbooks in front of the television, he’d draped blankets over them before ambling to his own room. In the morning, the pair were gone, but he’d had a text from O, thanking him for not being an embarrassment.

Next it was Monty, Harper’s boyfriend, who was a couple years older. Bellamy had had to leave for a night shift at the high school he worked part time at, but he’d shot a quick text to Miller, who begrudgingly emerged from his room to take up residence on the couch. While the girls set up their homework on the kitchen table, the last thing he saw was the Asian boy picking up one of the controllers while Miller turned on the TV.

After that, Jasper came along. Jasper had known Monty for years. And soon the entire menagerie was at his and Miller’s apartment every weekend they could get away. Looking back, he remembered the mild annoyance of having his personal space invaded, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

It wasn’t until Octavia decided she wanted to take some kind of self-defense class that their group was really complete though. Bellamy had gone mother hen, and started researching the best rated, yet safest classes taught by women for women that were equidistant between her school and the apartment. That’s when she’d met Raven. When Bellamy had first met the girl, they’d been instantly at odds. Raven was closer to his age than Octavia’s, and he couldn’t possibly see how she’d be a good influence on his eighteen-year-old sister. But, Octavia had quickly shut that down.

He remembered one day where she’d stormed out of the gym, yanked open his passenger door before saying he was an ass and slamming herself into the car.

“Leave my relationship with Raven alone. She’s my friend and she just transferred in. I like her. That’s enough,” and with the look of determination on his sister’s face, that was the end of it. Not to say that was the end of their arguments, they’d bicker about little things, because Raven was smart. Probably, Bellamy had to admit, the smartest person he’d ever met. And as much as Bellamy loved learning, he’d always learn something new around her. He loved it.

Soon enough Raven was at the apartment, hanging out with him and Miller sans Octavia. He learned that Raven had transferred to be closer to her childhood sweetheart, but in the three weeks she’d been in town, hadn’t been able to see him more than a few times due to her demanding coursework. She hated his friends, he’d thrown himself into a group of artisan coffee lovers who spent most of their time smoking cigarettes and at the poetry slam café near campus, Off the Grounds. It was a space themed coffee shop with odd names like, Oxygen-dripped Roast and the Café Apollo (which was really an odd version of an Americano).

Bellamy had only met the guy once, when Raven dragged him along to try and get him a job at the mechanic’s garage next door. Finn’s long hair was artfully tousled when Raven ran into his arms for a hug. But something seemed, odd, about the way that Finn had given Raven a quick tap on her back before stepping back. It just struck him that wasn’t how you’d greet someone you’d been in love with since childhood. Not that he would know, but still. The affection seemed forced on the Spacewalker’s side.

Needless to say, Raven was not pleased the first time he’d accidentally let that nickname slip out loud. But the job had come through and Bellamy had been able to quit his other part time jobs as a janitor and as a server. The money was good, and he’d always been good around cars, so he was glad to have something that was a little more regular. He’d never had a 9-5 before, and he was excited to prove he could do it.

What he wasn’t counting on was the random glimpses of Spacewalker he’d get coming in and out of the café every day. Usually, he was surrounded by his poetry/artist friends, but every once in a while, he’d have his arm over some girl’s shoulder. He couldn’t see her face, just a flash of yellow, and a knowledge that there was no way it was Raven. He’d fought his conscience on how to tell Raven, or if it was even his business to.

In the end, he hadn’t had to. He wasn’t sure how it happened, just that Raven had shown up, drunk to his apartment and told him they were going out. Miller was out with his boyfriend Bryan, so the two were on their own. Hours later, when they stumbled back to his apartment she finally broke down and told him that she’d caught Finn with another girl. She’d tried to reconcile on her own, but needed a distraction.

The rest of the evening was a haze, the last thing he remembered was her pulling off her shirt and telling him to do the same before he whispered, “If you’re looking for someone to talk you down, to tell you that you’re just upset and not thinking straight, I’m not that guy Raven.”

“Good,” was the only thing she said before she crashed her lips onto Bellamy’s. The next thing he remembered, it was morning and he woke to the sight of Raven pulling on her pants and hunting for her shirt.

“Did it help?” he’d asked, knowing the answer, and praying that this wouldn’t change things between them.

“No.” Raven had replied, yanking her shirt over her head before turning back to look at him, almost tenderly, “but thank you. I’ll see you at the shop.”

Bellamy felt himself breathe a sigh of relief before falling back into his bed. He’d gone from no one but Octavia in his life, to having a group of six people he couldn’t bear to live without. And that thought hurt, and that morning he’d promised himself that he didn’t need anyone else.

.o.o.

          Which is why the second time he sees Clarke Griffin, it’s discomfiting to feel a tug in his gut, an urge to reach out to her. She’d come into Sinclair’s to have her car looked at, but mostly to see Raven. The two were huddled in a corner while he was stuck under the carriage, checking the brake lines and checking the sensors. But when he’d look over, he’d see the blonde girl say something which made Raven throw her head back and laugh, or the beaming smile on the girl’s face.

          It wasn’t fair the way watching the blonde made him feel. And it wasn’t just because of the way that she was making Raven happy. But there was a story there that Raven hadn’t told him, and as much as he didn’t want to press her, Bellamy was desperate to know for sure if she was replacing Finn with this beautiful girl. He just didn’t know how to deal with the tinge of jealousy he felt whenever he glanced over at the two women.

.o.o.

          The third time they meet, Octavia brings her to their Friday game night, Raven hadn’t arrived yet, and Octavia almost immediately abandoned the blonde to flock to Miller’s side. Bellamy shook his head as he watched his spitfire of a sister harangue his roommate over the implosion of his relationship. The small girl was a hellion when needed, and she constantly felt the need to protect her friends. When Bryan had unexpectedly told Miller it wasn’t working, and not to call, it had devastated his roommate. But feelings weren’t how they worked. And when Nate was ready to talk, they would.

          So, when he looked back to Clarke to see her awkwardly standing by the kitchen door where Octavia had left her, glancing around to see if she’d known anyone, he started towards her.

          “Hello Princess, welcome to game night,” he leaned against the island counter, beer can in his hand, “there’s beer in the fridge and whenever the wonder twins show up, they’ll bring whatever godforsaken creation they’ve thought up to destroy our livers this week.”

Clarke nodded and looked around the shabby apartment for a second before turning back to Bellamy, “That’s the second time you’ve called me that, I’d like it if you didn’t,” Her tone was matter of fact as she turned into the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Do you have anything better than hipster piss? Because all I’m seeing is PBR.”

“What? My beer not good enough for you?” He didn’t mean for his tone to sound quite so scathing, but there was something about her that riled him, “There’s some Miller Lite in there somewhere, but no one drinks it. So I’m not sure it’s safe – who knows how long it’s been in there, Princess.”

The look on her face as she snapped back to look at him seethed with anger, a can in her hand, “I literally just asked you not to call me that. What the fuck didn’t you get?”

This time, Bellamy felt the ache pull at him that he’d felt the last two times he’d seen her again, but his own insecurities rose over it taking over. He lifted his beer to his lips and finished it off before tossing it into the trash bin and reaching to grab the PBR out of her hands, “You’re in my house, _Princess_ , and I’ll call you whatever the hell I want.”

He saw her face go slack before her she clenched her jaw, her muscles pulsing – gearing up for a fight – before he turned away. He cursed himself as he started walking towards the couch, where Octavia was sprawled out, head in Miller’s lap as Nate spoke to her in low tones. He’d just sat down before the door slammed, and the three of them jumped.

Noticing that Clarke was no longer in the kitchen, Octavia sat up, fire in her eyes, “What the hell did you just do Bellamy?”

He felt the heat rise in his cheeks before lifting the can to his lips, drinking deeply before leaning back, “I just told her where the beer was. I don’t quite know what the fuck the Princess’s problem is. Maybe she didn’t like our selection.”

Octavia scowled before clambering up off of the couch, “Well shit, now I have to go fix this before Raven gets here. I told her I’d take care of Clarke before she got here.”

Her voice trailed as she grabbed her bag and slipped into her shoes before running out the door, almost running into Jasper and Monty as they struggled to hoist the two coolers in their hands through the door. Miller jumped up and grabbed the blue plastic bin out of Monty’s hands, lifting it easily from the thinner boy, taking it into the kitchen as Bellamy reached out for the identical bin from Jasper.

“Where did O run off to?”

The goggled boy stared off longingly after his sister, almost in a daze. Bellamy used his free hand to snap in Jasper’s face, annoyed, “After the puppy from the club a couple weeks ago, she and Raven have been spending time together and must have invited her here tonight. Tasked O with making sure she got here okay.”

Jaspers eyes went wide with understanding before turning into the kitchen, “Guys! What did Dad say to the new kid to scare her off so quickly?!” Bellamy groaned, shutting the front door as he went to help the guys unload their cringeworthy creations onto the counters.

It wasn’t until Raven arrived twenty minutes later that Bellamy even thought of the blonde girl again. As Raven burst in, bags of snacks dangling from her arms, her smile faded as she took note that only boys were hanging out in front of the television.

“Bellamy,” Her piercing eyes bored into him, “what the ever-loving fuck did you do?”

“Why does everyone assume I did something,” Bellamy’s eyes rolled as he took another sip from his cup, cringing at the taste.

“Because you are an asshole, and you are the only person who might actually piss someone off to the point of leaving,” Raven had dropped the bags on the kitchen floor, and had begun advancing on Bellamy. “You are the one who has no idea of personal boundaries, and like to scare off anyone who dares come near us. I like her, Blake, and if you’d give her half a chance I think you would too! I invited her here because, like me, she doesn’t really have anyone. She needs us too.”

Bellamy couldn’t help the twinge of guilt he felt when she spoke. That was exactly what he was worried about – liking Clarke – he was terrified that he’d like her too much. And if Raven was this invested in the girl, he was afraid of how his feelings might grow if he spent too much time with her. Raven would always be more important.

“What do you want me to do Reyes? Octavia went to grab her, they’re probably just out somewhere talking about what a dick I am before O manages to convince her to come back.”

Raven’s scowl took over her face as she used her finger to prod Bellamy in the chest, “You better be right Blake, or I swear to God!-“

It was at that moment that Octavia rushed back into the apartment, the door slamming against the wall, dragging Clarke behind her, “We’re back bitches!”

.o.o.

          The rest of the night went – awkwardly – to say the least. Clarke avoided him at all costs, while Raven would shoot him glares whenever they made eye contact. He felt it in his bones whenever their heads bent together in conversations, and he forced himself to act with the others as if the evening were normal. And much of it passed as though it were any given Friday. Octavia was loud, Jasper full of laughter, Monty and Miller were both quiet, leaning into each other to talk in whispers intermittently before joining back in on group conversations. The liquor flowed and people put quarters down on who got to play next on the game system. As the night wore on, he felt the guilt gnaw at him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Clarke get up and head out onto the balcony. Raven watched, but didn’t follow, before making eye contact with him.

          ‘ _Fix it!’_ she mouthed before jerking her head back in the direction Clarke had ventured.

          Closing his eyes to the chaos in front of him, he hoisted himself out of the side chair he was in, before venturing out the sliding glass doors out onto the balcony. The crisp night air washed over him as his eyes adjusted to the dim lights and he looked over the complex he’d lived in the last five years. It hadn’t changed much, and wasn’t anything special. But it was his home, and the people inside were the family that made it such.

          “Raven sent you out, didn’t she?” Clarke’s voice startled him out of his reverie, staring off into the darkness, seated in one of the folding deck chairs they’d stuck out on the small concrete porch.

          “Yeah. I’m supposed to apologize for being a dick, I think,” Bellamy sighed as he sat in the matching chair next to her.

          The silence between them settled and they both relaxed back into their chairs, letting the white noise of the outdoors sound around them.

          “So?” Her voice was quiet as she spoke, “Are you?”

          “A dick?” Bellamy joked, “Or apologizing? Because the answer is yes? I think to both.”

          “Wow. You’re also shit at apologizing. Because this was awful.”

          Bellamy’s laughter came out like a bark, “Yeah, yeah I am. But I am, sorry. Raven says I don’t like to give people a chance. To hurt me, or my friends. So, I, uh, try to hurt them first.” He looked down to the beer in his hands, the guilt rising again. Telling that much of the truth would be enough, for now.

          “I guess I can get that,” her voice almost croaked as she spoke, a little husky in the quiet, “I can be pretty… intense… when I think a friend is being threatened. I can see that being a thing for you. Raven’s special. So, I can see why you’d want to protect her.”

          “She is. I was… I acted similarly when I met her. Octavia was all I had for so long, and sometimes, I don’t… I don’t know. Raven is my… other than Miller, she knows me better than anyone,” Bellamy felt his voice crack as he fought to find the words.

          “I had a friend like that, Wells… he… he’s gone. That’s why I moved here. To get away from everything back home. From the stares,” when he looked at her, he saw her throat bob as she swallowed before he let silence envelop them again.

          The minutes crept by before Bellamy spoke again, “I like Princess though. The nickname stays.” He could see the anger creep back into her face, the pink rising in her cheeks, but she didn’t respond. Before the silence could take over again he whispered, “I’m just glad that Raven found someone to make her happy… after the Finncident,” he kept his voice low, testing, “She deserves everything.”

          Clarke nodded her head, looking through the trees, before standing up. She smiled to him, leaning before plucking the beer out of his hand, “Yep. We’ll see how Wick does.”

          Bellamy froze as she darted inside, trying to process what she had just said, and what exactly it meant, ‘ _Wick? From the garage? The one Raven is always throwing shit at? Wait… Not Clarke?’_ As his mind shuddered back into action he leapt out of the chair, and darted into the room.

          The room he walked back into was not the awkward, sectioned off scene he’d left earlier. Jasper and Octavia seemed to be fighting over the control as Monty leaned into the sofa content in his last and soon to be impending victory. Miller was in the kitchen, pouring Clarke a new cup of, whatever it is that Monty and Jasper had made, before the two took a shot of vodka to chase down their regrets. Raven was sitting in his vacated chair, grinning at him as she drank from her Solo cup. Throwing herself out of the armchair, she bounded over to Bellamy, her ponytail swinging through the air.

As she got to him she threw her free arm around his waist, and leaned her head onto his chest, “All fixed yet?” He could hear her grin in her voice, playful but curious, but his eyes couldn’t leave Clarke.

“I’d say it was close enough. But I did learn something interesting…” Raven hummed in question as she leaned into his chest before he continued, “The Princess told me some interesting developments have been made in your romantic life.” He felt his favorite mechanic still next to him.

“I swear to God! That blonde little – what did she say?!” Raven started to stalk towards the kitchen before Bellamy grabbed her arm and pulled her back into him.

“Relax, Rae, just that you were caught with Wick in the study, with the pipe wrench,” He snickered as his joke fell flat before continuing, “I was surprised though… I was under the impression you hated him and his, I quote ‘ _ill-conceived ideas, ridiculous time-management skills, and absolute incompetency.’_ But obviously, I was wrong.”

Raven scowled at the sight of his grin, poking him in the chest, “Wipe that smug look off your face. Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing, Blake,” she stabbed him again with her finger, “You’re deflecting.”

Looking into the kitchen, Bellamy smiled as he spoke, “I don’t know what you could possibly be talking about.”

.o.o.

          After that Clarke became a fixture in his life. She and Raven were still inseparable, but she slowly began developing her friendships with the rest of the group. Jasper took to her instantly, and after one specific night out where she held his head as he lost his drink, started calling her ‘Mom’. Even Octavia was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

          She was there for every game night, and every night out, and as much as they bickered, she started being one of the first people he called with news. She was the one he’d call to rant about some new documentary he’d found with insane inaccuracies, and she was the one who’d laugh with him when he was done. And, by some crazy feat, he let her fill his fridge with her hipster, seven-dollar-a-bottle beers, and he didn’t complain. He didn’t even complain when she fell asleep against him while they were watching his favorite documentary series, or when they were watching one of her mindless cooking shows on Netflix.

He still felt an ache in the pit of his stomach whenever she smiled at him. He’s never felt this way towards anyone. Not Echo, or Mel, or even Roma – who lasted longer than anyone else. But, he tamped it down, kept it under control, because Clarke was becoming family. And Bellamy refused to lose any more family.

          So when the day came when he came home to the apartment to find Miller, Raven, Octavia and Clarke sitting on the couch and in his armchair, looking solemn, he narrowed his eyes with suspicion. Throwing his keys on the kitchen counter, he slowly approached the group, before coming to a stop a few steps away from the group.

          “Who died?” The sarcasm in his voice was thinly veiled, but the worry still seeped into his voice.

          Octavia spoke first, “Well… Bell… you know how much we all adore you,” the young girl paused for dramatic effect, gesturing timidly to the group seated around her, “but we have all been talking, and we think… it might be best if you,”

          Raven cut her off quickly, “Stop working at the garage full time.”

          Bellamy felt the shock fly across his face before he could steel his expression. He opened his mouth to voice the betrayal he felt drop through his body, but before he could speak Clarkes low alto chimed through the apartment, “Bellamy – it’s not what you’re thinking – “

          That was when Miller stood and turned towards his room, “This was stupid guys, I don’t know why you pulled me in for this ‘intervention,’ it is completely unnecessary. You think he needs to get his ass in gear? Sure,” Nathan turned to him for this, “But man, stop living for other people, and start living for yourself.” At which point, Nathan stepped off and shut the door to his room.

          Taking Miller’s newly vacated position on the couch, Octavia gestured to his favorite armchair, imploring him to take a seat. Bellamy eyed the offending furniture warily before stalking into the kitchen to grab a can of beer before returning to flop into the seat. Refusing to make eye contact with the three women in his life who were, it seemed in that moment, a constant source of annoyance to him.

          “I’m just sick of you constantly putting your life on hold for me Bell,” the sound of Octavia’s voice snapped him out of his stupor, “you’ve lived your entire life for me. And it’s time to stop. I’m in college now, I’m nineteen – I’m basically a fully functioning adult – “

          Bellamy scoffed at that.

          “Shut up, I’m making a point here,” she glared at him pointedly, “We just want you to stop living a half-life! Working at an auto shop, or as a janitor, or waiter, or whatever aren’t your passion! Hell, you barely even like doing any of the weird, odd jobs you’ve had the last ten years of your life. You’ve only done any of that shit because of me!”

          Bellamy could see in her breathing how hard this was for Octavia to say, even if she’d been thinking it for a while, which is why he chose his words carefully before speaking, “O – my life started the day you were born. So, when mom told me, your sister – your responsibility, it meant everything. It means everything. I would do anything, and everything for you.”

          “But Bellamy,” Raven interjected quietly, “you don’t have to anymore. That what she’s, what we’re trying to tell you. It’s time for you to find what you love. That’s why we’re all here. We knew this would be, not a fight, but a struggle. Let us love you the way you love us.” She nodded as she finished, “And my dears, with that, O and I have a kickboxing class to get to. But Bell – we’re serious. Think about yourself for once.”

          The silence deepened between him and Clarke as he let what just happened sink in. The initial stab of betrayal was still there, almost deepening as he let the words fester in his mind. ‘ _How dare they, how dare they not understand what I’ve given up for her, how dare they tell me it’s not enough,_ ’ the words just kept repeating in his head before Clarke spoke, snapping him out of his funk.

          “Bell – your sister, while very bad at vocalizing it, wants you to go back to school. Ever since we met you have taken your obsession with the Roman empire so seriously. I haven’t met anyone with that kind of passion in years – and I’m an Art minor.” She chuckled at herself, “Passion is all those assholes have to offer. But you’ve got so much in you, and you’re wasting yourself at Sinclair’s. As much as it’s great to work for a paycheck – you’re so much more than that Bellamy.”

          She paused, and let him absorb that while she went to the kitchen and grabbed one of her Unibroue from the fridge. Popping the cap against the counter, she leaned against the island while peering into the living room.

          “We love you the way you are Bell, you get that right? You are enough.”

          He tried not to let a feeling of elation wash over him hearing her say that, but he couldn’t deny the smile that washed over his face.

          “Yeah, Princess, I think I’m starting to.”

          And it was true, a part of Bellamy had been thinking about going back and getting a bachelor’s ever since Octavia started her sophomore year. She had enough scholarships to cover most of her tuition, a new job at the kickboxing studio she and Raven had met at, and the little bit he’d been putting away over the years into her college fund; she should be alright for her last couple years. But a part of Bellamy’s subconscious held him back; he was too old to go back to school, or he couldn’t nearly afford it, there was no way he’d qualify for any scholarships, he wasn’t smart enough, he wasn’t good enough, he just wasn’t… enough.

          And he couldn’t deny how good it felt for Clarke to say that he was.

.o.o.

          It was a night like any other Saturday out, the group had gone out to Grounders to cheer Monty up after his and Harper’s break up – her transfer to a school closer to home came with the inevitable, ‘ _long distance just doesn’t work’_ conversation – and as much as Monty tried to convince her to try, she refused to put him through it. Jasper had done as much cheering as was possible for him, his gangly puppy dog-like energy was a lot to deal with for anyone, and Monty finally admitted to Octavia that he needed more. So, a night out at the club was called for, and the entire group was drinking more than usual.

          After the third round of shots, and his fourth beer, Bellamy switched to water – his mother-hen instincts coming out as he started to drunk wrangle his friends. Miller had volunteered for Monty/Jasper duty – which was more making sure Jasper didn’t wander off too far, and that Monty was having a good night. Octavia kept pulling the latter boy out to the dance floor, so that job was easier than the quiet boy expected. Raven and Clarke were giggling to themselves in the corner of their booth, the former looking pointedly at Bellamy every time he was sent to the bar to pick up a new pitcher or another round of shots.

          And, god, every time he looked at Clarke the pulsing lights of the bar picked up the gold in her hair – giving her an almost halo-like aura around her. It was intoxicating, and it was impossible for Bellamy to deny he felt something more for her than friendship, though he’d been fighting it the entire year he’d known her. He paused at the bar as he heard Clarke’s tingling laughter peal through the air, when he turned over his shoulder he saw Octavia pulling the two women out of the bar and begin to drag them out to the dance floor. Glancing over to the flashing lights of the recessed area, he saw Monty pulling Miller into a dance as the girls made their way to him, and Jasper trying to Numa Numa dance to what ever EDM version of a pop song was playing. Bellamy chuckled to himself at his friend’s antics as the bartender brought the pitcher of PBR they’d ordered over to him.

          “They seem like a handful,” the bartender nodded towards his friend’s as she slid the drink towards him.

          “Yeah, but they’re mine,” Bellamy heard the affection in his voice before he realized it was true. He’d made his own family. And that was special to him. Looking up to the woman, a part of him realized she was pretty, as she smiled at him. “Have you ever thought you had no one, only to wake up one day and realize all of these people have kind of – adopted you into their lives?”

          “I think I know what you mean,” her brown eyes twinkled at him, “Family is what you make it right?”

          “Yeah, it really is.” He beamed at the bartender, while she laughed – as if he’d told the funniest joke in the world.

          “My name’s Gina,” the brunette cocked her head to the side, “Come find me if you need anything, okay?”

          Bellamy smiled to himself as he nodded, not seeing – or feeling – the cold stare of his favorite blonde from the dance floor as he took the pitcher back to his family’s table.

.o.o.

          It wasn’t until Grounders closed that the group made their way towards the front door. Miller was probably the most sober, other than himself, and volunteered to make sure that Jasper and Monty made it home – promising to sleep on their couch rather than risk driving back to their own apartment. Octavia and Raven vowed that their night wasn’t over, and called a Lyft to take them down to the bar district. He wasn’t really okay with the two girls leaving by themselves, but he pushed his objections down. They were strong women, who knew how to say no and not take anyone’s shit – they could protect themselves if the need came. It was Clarke he was worried about. The poor girl was leaning into him, not quite able to stand on her own, and insistent that she could get herself home and that he should go with Raven and his sister.

          He shut that down quickly.

          “Clarke,” he tried to use a voice that left no room for argument – though Gina had given him multiple more shots throughout the evening, just because – “you can barely stand. We’re getting a ride, and we’re taking you home.”

          “Bell – I’m fine. I’ll figure it out. I don’t want to ruin your night just because I can’t hold my booze,” her voice came out small and slurred as she buried deeper into his side, “You should go find that bartender.”

          He laughed to himself and Clarke looked up at him, with what he was sure she thought was a scathing stare. Bellamy just rubbed soothing circles into her lower back and glanced at his phone. Their Uber was only a couple minutes away, and he couldn’t wait until it arrived, “Just a couple minutes Clarke, we’ll get you home.”

          Her eyes were closed as she nodded furiously into his shoulder. Soon enough their ride pulled up to the curb and he carefully opened the rear door and lowered Clarke into the backseat before climbing in himself. The driver looked at him in the rearview, and Bellamy gave the man a nod before buckling Clarke into the middle seat, not able to convince her to scoot over to behind the driver.

          “Your girlfriend drink too much?” The driver spoke quickly as he pulled away from the bar, heading towards Clarke’s apartment before continuing, “A strong man should keep control of his woman. Not let her embarrass him in public. My wife, she knows, she keeps to the home and the children.”

          Bellamy scowled to himself before forcing a grim smile in the driver’s direction before glancing down to Clarke, who was lightly dozing on his shoulder.

          “Luckily for me, I have someone who asks for help when she wants it, and can fend for herself if she needs to.”

          At that the driver huffed and they continued their ten-minute drive in silence, at which Bellamy couldn’t be more grateful for. But some part of him danced for joy at the driver’s mistaking Clarke for his girlfriend. It was something he would never let himself hope for, too afraid to ruin whatever beautiful balance he’d achieved with the dozing blonde. As they pulled in front of Clarke’s converted industrial loft, Bellamy could not have been more grateful. The deafening, awkward silence had gotten almost unbearable inside the vehicle.

          Pulling Clarke’s handbag into his lap, he pulled out her key fob before unbuckling her seatbelt and rousing her from sleep.

          “Princess, we’re home. Time to wake up,” he smirked as her head jerked off his shoulder, almost aching for the loss of warmth.

          “Okay. Let’s go!” It came out as ‘ _Okey, lessgoo’_ and a part of him lit with adoration. Even her drunken slurs could make him smile. He opened the door and waited as she hoisted herself out of the small sedan, tumbling and giggling into his arms as she stood. He helped carry her to the front door, Clarke’s delighted peal of laughter as the fob let them into the building helping him open the door with an exasperated shove and barreling them towards the converted service elevator that would get them to her apartment.

          He couldn’t help but feel a mixture of excitement and terror as they stopped at the third floor. In the year he’d known Clarke, he’d never seen where she lived, the introverted girl had never invited anyone but Raven to see her personal space. As they walked to her front door, he juggled her keys before managing to open the door. She slid into her home like molasses, creeping along the wall for support, nudging her heels off by the door before tumbling in and weaving towards her couch, before collapsing in a fit of giggles.

          “You okay Princess,” the mirth in his voice turned into a laugh as she nodded and snuggled into the cushions. He stumbled his way to her, after making sure the door was locked, trying to take in the minimalist approach she’d taken. Aside from her own art, the walls were bare concrete, the furniture cozy – but functional. He could see her personality in every detail. The large studio loft sectioned off by rolling screens hung from the ceiling. The only two doors in to be found were the front door, and what he assumed was the bathroom between the living area and the space, that he assumed, led to her bedroom.

          “Let me get you some water, baby,” he didn’t quite catch himself before the endearment slipped out. Bellamy stopped, as if cold water had been thrown over him, as he realized what had slipped out of his subconscious, relaxing only when Clarke perked up.

She had apparently not thought anything of it before sitting upright, “Wait! No! I’ve got the good shit I took from Abby!” The off-handed way she referred to her own mother only slightly jarring him as he remembered the relationship the two had. Bellamy chuckled quietly as he shook his head.

“I don’t think either of us need anymore, Princess,” the words slipped off his tongue even as he followed her to the kitchen area and as he slid onto one of the industrial stools at her counter, “If anything I should go. You need to sleep.”

Still, the intoxicated blonde rambled to a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Macallan, grinning as she hoisted the bottle in the air. Setting the bottle harshly on the counter, she reached up to the upper cabinets, and recklessly pulled down two half glasses, leaving them next to the bottle as she drew her hand to her mouth – covering a hiccup.

“Um – gimme a second,” with that, the blonde darted across Bellamy’s vision, running for what he had assumed was the bathroom. Suddenly alert, he followed closely. As he got to the only other door in the apartment, it quickly closed in his face.

Hearing a heave from the other side of the door, he knocked tentatively on the door, “Princess, please let me in?” Bellamy winced at the pleading tone of his voice.

The strained reply let him know the door was unlocked, and he slowly let himself inside. Inching into the room Bellamy instantly went to Clarke’s side at the sight of her bent over the bowl, her body slowly contracting towards the toilet. Kneeling next to her, he gathered her messy curls into one of his hands, keeping them from any mess that might occur. He rubbed circles into her back, whispering soothing words into her ear as the shots from the evening extricated themselves from her body – he just needed her to know that he was here, always here, for her.

Bellamy felt Clarke’s back arch into his hand even as she threw up again. He smiled at her as she turned to him, cheek resting on the cold porcelain, “Bell – I think you might be my best friend – but I,” her words cut off as she started to dry heave, her body had purged the offending alcohol from her system.

Bellamy continued to rub circles into her back, silently letting her know he was there for her, always there, before she slowly lifted her head to him.

“Stay?”

The question was almost pleading in its desperation, and Bellamy slowly realized that whatever crush he’d thought he’d had was so much more. He was in love with this blonde spitfire who questioned everything he thought he’d known, and challenged everything he thought about family. He sobered quickly at the thought, gathering her into his arms. She wrapped her body around his closely.

“Princess, I’ll stay, but let’s get you to sleep, yeah?” His face was tight even as she beamed at him. Clarke let him pull her off the ground and cradle her against his chest as he stood slowly. Stepping out of the sectioned off room, he turned right and headed towards the only part of the loft he’d had yet to see. Hesitantly setting the girl on her feet, Bellamy quickly darted towards the queen-sized bed and pulled back the covers before turning back to Clarke. As he turned, he flushed scarlet at the sight in front of him.

Clarke’s gaze was boring into him as she finished unzipping the side of her dress, and however drunkenly, began peeling the skin tight dress over her curves. Bellamy’s mouth simultaneously dried and watered at the sight of her bare skin covered only by her scant, black panties and bra. Rushing to her side, Bellamy shuddered as his clammy hands touched her warm skin.

“Let’s get you to bed Princess,” he felt more than he heard her laugh as she threw her arms around his neck. He stumbled backwards, the force of her leading him to her unfairly soft bed that swallowed him, her smile burning a hole into his collarbone. Sliding slowly to the far side, he pulled her into the bed beside him before whispering into her hair, “Sleep Clarke, you need it.”

Bellamy told himself that he didn’t hear her whisper into his shoulder, “I need you more,” before he let himself succumb to sleep.

.o.o.

          Bellamy Blake had never felt more awkward than waking up to Clarke Griffin spooning into him, her back arching delicately into his front in a way that he would feel for the rest of his life. He couldn’t deny how far he’d fallen in love with this girl anymore, and it physically pained him to extricate himself from her. Slowly climbing out of the bed, he ventured towards the kitchen area, where he vaguely remembered he’d left his phone the night before.

          Glancing at the unseen messages, he inwardly cringed at his unread texts. The texts he’d missed from both Raven and Miller gnawing at his psyche. Opening the ride share app on his phone, he called for a ride back to his car at the bar. But he couldn’t help the overwhelming urge to check his texts. Sitting on one of the bar stools, he clicked the unread bubble from Raven.

_Your sister is a boss. She just made a hulking tattooed man buy our tab._

_I still can’t handle it._

_God, he’s pretty._

_She went home with him… I’m using the spare._

_Your bed is comfy Blake._

          Bellamy couldn’t stop the terror that flit through him, his brotherly instincts screaming as he forced himself not to call his sister. It wasn’t even nine o’clock in the morning, acting like her father would not help the situation. Hesitantly backing to the main screen he opened the messages from Nate, praying it was only some crack at how horrible Jasper and Monty’s latest brew was that they had forced him to try.

          _This is stupid._

_Jasper is forcing Monty to have in his words “feeling time”_

_He just fucked off to his room._

_Monty is being stupid awkward._

_He won’t look at me._

_Nvm. Figured it out._

          Bellamy shook his head at the cryptic texts in his phone. As much as he wanted to know what had happened the night before, he knew that if it was important, Miller would let him know. They were family now, however slow and introverted the two had started.

          “You left me.”

          Clarkes husky voice startled him, and he jumped as he turned towards her on the stool.

          “You’re awake? I thought you’d be out for a while.”

          “You left me,” the sadness in her voice slowly destroyed his will to leave, even as he saw that his ride was only minutes away, “I woke up and you were gone.”

          Bellamy couldn’t help the self-effacing wince that crossed his face, “I didn’t want to bother you.”

          Clarke’s smile was almost painful to watch as she crossed to him, only stopping to rest in between his spread thighs. Her hands were hot to the touch as she hesitantly rested her grip on his knees, “Cancel it.”

          “What?” Bellamy’s confusion was knit in his brows and evident in his tone as his left hand covered hers on his him. He felt her hand slide up his thigh as he kept eye contact with her, unwilling to let the moment go.

          “Don’t go. I need you. I meant what I said last night. Stay.”

          And Bellamy couldn’t help the elation that threw through him in that instant, “I can’t Clarke… you don’t understand…”

          At that she looked him dead in the eye and said the one thing that actually mattered.

          “I do. Just don’t let me go? Okay?”

          And Bellamy let his hope overwhelm him as he surged forward, his phone falling to the floor as he cupped her face. Her kisses peppering his chin as he whispered, “Never again.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to continue this into a series, with each verse inspiring it's own oneshot. But I don't have enough faith in my inspiration to promise that, just that I'd like to do it.
> 
> Find me on tumblr. bellarke-trashcan  
> I have no idea what I'm doing. Literally.


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